Christianity Not Suppose to be a Religion:

Let me just start this off by saying I do not care about what anyone says about my thoughts on this topic. It is something I have thought about repeatedly throughout my time at Davis College, taking bible classes. You can disagree with me on this but that is okay I will be more then happy explain why you are wrong. I am very opinionated on things, I try not to tell people they are wrong or I am right unless I am feel I am being insulted or not being heard out. If you have not figured it out, this is your only warning that if you religion of Christianity is important to you, then stop here.

I take it if you are reading this sentence that you are either interested in what I am going to say or your are as stubborn as I am and like a challenge want to read what I says so you can post a comment pointing out how you are right and I am wrong. Or you really do not think I am going to follow through on what I warned about. Either way you are reading this so I will try to keep short as I can. To keep it short I will not be posting references to the bible. That can be another day when I have time to really take the time to go and get the actual verses; this is just a short version. Let’s get going.

Does anyone else get upset with how stupid Christians have become in this day and age? I sure am, but let me start by saying I know several who do not fall into this category. However, a good portion of Christians do, it all comes down to this idea that if something comes from a Christian it has to be true. Best example during the election Obama was said to be a Muslim before he decided to run for President. I am sorry that is wrong, also I have heard people such as the 700 Hundred Club who have also accused him of this says that it was not true. Yet, try convincing any Christian it is wrong nope because the secular media is trying to hide that.

This kind of thing drives me nuts, but let’s get on topic I am suppose to be talking about the religion Christianity. Well it all applies, because for example that who thing about Obama, comes from a Christian lets say a Methodist to a Baptist they the Baptist will believe it, but here is where the religion comes in. They will believe in this info, but come working together for the better good of Christ’s church, oh no we cannot do that because they do not believe what I believe. All because Methodist will allow woman pastors and Baptist do not. This goes both ways, now I am just using these domination’s for the example just fill in any domination in and a theological difference.

That is what religion does it separates people instead of bring them together, if we had a relationship with God our own and focused on bring that to people instead of these doctrines that you must agree with or you not in or not saved or we want nothing to do with you. This might sound like the extremes of Christianity, but it is more common then you think. No, at the church I worked at we had conformation of some students joining the church, which is nothing wrong with, but part of the oath they have to say is remain faithful to the United Methodist Church.

I wanted to jump up and shout NO! Does it really matter where you go as long as you seeking Jesus and living for him? Of course not, but it has now been put into their minds that they should only attend a UM Church. I have no problem if that is the domination you prefer, but I do have a problem if you go to that church only because you think that is more important then going to a church that is healthy. What if the UMC is not preaching the word and adding things or giving interpretations that are clearly against the bible, that is the only UMC in the place you live.

Did you know that every domination exist only because of differences on minor theological topics. Almost every dominations agrees with the majors, but it comes with the less important things in scripture to weather we can still speak in tongues today or if Jesus is coming back before or after the tribulation. The sad part is it is these small things are deal breaks for some domination’s from working together. I had a guy I went to college with for a year. Here is a briefly what he said, I have changed the names.

Dan: I love Jared to death and think he is a great guy. He is so much fun to be around, but I would never do ministry with him because he believes in tongues.
Dan obvious does not believe in tongues for today, but Jared does. However, Jared does not believe that tongues are necessary for salvation. Yet, all because such a small unimportant belief difference prevents them from working together more Dan then Jared, where the two could really do great things if they did work together because they are friends. Now lets say if Jared did believe that tongues are necessary for salvation then I would agree with Dan.

Now are you asking yourself what does this all have to do with religion? Simple why is Christianity constantly referred to as a religion and people want nothing to do with it because Religion separates people. Christianity has become a religion and was never suppose to be, just read the New Testament and there is no way you can get this idea we are suppose to be a religion. Paul speaks out against religious attempts in Corinthians when people are arguing over who is right leader to follower, Paul, Peter, Jesus, etc.

Paul tells them not worry about that, because they are all great people to listen to, but to say one is right and the others are wrong is religion and does not work. Look back at the Jewish Law, Read Leviticus it is how the law works a setup of religion and it failed, but it failed because it was just that a religion, but the ideas of the law was good when followed not because you have to because you want to. Christianity was design to get past the law and have relationship directly with Christ.

Somewhere along the way Christian became a religion where you fall in line or you are not apart of us. Mahatma Gandhi said likes Jesus and his philosophy on nonviolence approach to get change, but he is not a Christian because of the Christians. Relationship with God can only bring love where Religion brings only hate, because “Religion comes from man where Relationships comes from God, who created man with the sole purpose of having one with Him.” – Sean Conboy.

Now as I wrap this up, I am not foolish to think that Christianity does not have things that seem religious, because a few things are, but too much has become religious which is why people do not want anything to do with us. I personally think the only way to help this is to focus on teaching the differences of the beliefs on different doctrines such as tongues so people see the different sides and let them go and do figure out where they stand. This will on get rid of the people only interested in religion and keep the people who want a relationship. Once you got that we can focus on bring love to everyone who wants religion and who don’t which only Jesus can change.

I will end with this, many Christians like to think when Jesus came he ended the law, but he even said he did not do that. He came to fulfill the law, which was bring what was missing a personal relationship to the guidelines to how to live life, but to do that he need to get us past the sin which Religion does nothing to. Which the sacrifices of the Jewish Law took care of but once you sinned again you had to go do another sacrifice, where Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice. Once you have the whole sin thing taken care of you can take the law and live it as it was meant to be lived. Of course without the sacrifices.

Update:

It has been a little while since my last post. A lot has happened since my last post. Actually I think it happened before my last post but decided not to comment on it since I was still trying to work through everything. Since the Beginning of June I am no longer working with Hawleyton & Conklin Forks Churches. The churches decided to end my position, I do not want to get into much it. It was somewhat of a shocked at the same time it was not.

The day before I went for my 60 day review my Landlord had me move to another house he cares for because I could not stay in the house I was in by myself. So I would stay in this house for the last 2 months of my Lease, but he already rented the room after my lease ended so I could not resign if I liked the place. Which I still think is odd. The next day I lose my Youth Directorship job two days before I start working at JC Pennies.

Do I feel a little cheated by the lost since I was not given a reason at the time, yes and do I feel they made the decision a little to fast since I was working on a lot of things they wanted. However, I cannot complain if they felt I was not living up to their expectations. Some of them I thought were a little well not me and will never be me, however this does teach me to know where I am getting into and all expectations before I start working.

I am thankful for the six months I was there working and learned a lot about myself as well youth ministries in the process. No matter how it ended, I am walking away with something that will only help in future. I am going to mess hanging out with my teens from there and have gone to a few of the seniors graduations parties which has been fun. The questions now comes what is next, which I have kind of put off for a month trying to work through this all.

With less then a month left before I have to move out of my place, the most likely of things I am going to have to go home at the end of July. With just JC Pennies I cannot afford rent also I really do not want to stay in Binghamton. 6 1/2 years has been enough for me. However, I really do not want to return home to Oneonta, but oh well. Besides that I have looked into going to get my Masters, but I have a lot of things I would want to get it in. Youth Ministries is not one of them, but Writing, and Film are possibles as well Marketing, since in the publishing world you need to be a marketer of your book and the more I know about it the better I could do it.

Right now I think that is the top choice, but again I am not sure that is what I am going to do. I would love a Masters, but I am not really interested in adding another $30 – 60 G’s onto my debt I already have to pay back which is small compared to some of my friends. Another options is go home work since I have contacts, since I am most likely going to have to go their, work with my home church youth group get some more experience. This is the lost option, I could save some money again it would mean living with my parents, and I like having my own place and one of the reasons of staying would be to save money.

Going home for a year is possible, but there is on other option and that is looking for other youth pastor/directorship jobs. I have put out my resume for several churches and will more then likely look again this week. Only down side is that the process takes time so while I might find another church it will take time. I am leaning a little more towards this idea.

Only time will tell and God will direct my path just gotta be listening to him. Which is not always easy, but I will go where he wants me to go. So keep my prayer while I try to figure out where I am suppose to be.

A Year Ago

It was a year ago today that my grandfather died, after being a week in a coma. Looking back on the year it has been a very different time without him, and I still miss him. If I could bring him back I wouldn’t, I know he is in Heaven and when he died, I could only cry for a few minutes knowing that he had a full life and that it was time for him to move on. I enjoy remembering him and all he has done and use the life he lived as a standard for my life.

Tim

Step One: Repentance

It has been over a week since I last posted a chapter from I Really Want to Change… So, Help Me God. I had a lot of work last week and Friday came and a youth event that I was doing later that night was not done. I worked from 9:30am to 11pm on the event with a few breaks in between. I have been beat since, not to make excuses, but the break was too long and things I want to change started to slip in. Well I am back on track.

Chapter 4 is about repentance, and how before you can change you need to repent, but MacDonald goes into this, “oh I am sorry God” is not repenting. Repenting is when you truly had a change of mind and ask God to forgive. MacDonald brings up the whole game of sin repent, try again, sin repent, and try again… This is result of not true repentance. Also, the whole rationalizing of sin is gone when you truly repent, your not going to try to say oh that is just me, or hid your sin. If you are truly sorry of sin, you will not make an excuse.

The chapter really gets you thinking about how many times you have asked forgiveness and wonder how many of those times were you actually really meaning it. MacDonald brings up that we do not have until we die to repent, God will eventually not forgive us, and make repentance impossible. He brings up the book of Hebrews, and makes sure he is not talking about the lost of salvation, but at some God will not always forgive. This being for those who are saved, but I would go on to say that at some point after God has been working in a non-Christian, if they refuse or fight him long enough he will stop working and the person has lost there chance at salvation. The question is when is has enough time gone by where God no longer forgives, MacDonald does not tell because we do not know. God’s word does not tell us this.

Questions:

Teacher Questions:

1. What is Repentance?

Repentance is the change of mind when one has sinned. It is wanting to change and not this who opps I sinned sorry God.

2. How do you know if you have repented?

By our Fruit. If you are healthy, right with God you will bear fruit, but if you are not right with God, then you will not bear fruit and you’ve not repented.

Prophet Questions:

1. Is there a time when you truly repented? How do you know?

Yeah, after God broke me in 2005. I know because of the fruit and change in my life that came after.

2. What is meant by the statement that repentance is sometimes impossible? Does this concern you? Why?

Part of repentance is making things right, but let’s say you got divorced unbiblically and your wife/husband got remarried. Now you are truly sorry and want to make things right, but you can’t do that because your wife/husband is remarried. This is impossible. It does concern me, because I don’t want to make a decision like that.

Shepherd Questions:

1. Why does biblical teaching on the method and importance of repentance build hope regarding change?

God loves us enough to not to leave us how we are, and that he made it possible by asking for forgiveness, when we truly mean it. It brings hope one to know God loves us enough to do whatever it takes to get us to change even when we can say no, to there is something about being forgiven that make you feel good inside and knowing that you are going to change.

2. What does the father’s response to the prodigal’s repentance teach us about our Heavenly Father?

It shows that when you truly mean that you are sorry and want to be right he will take us back no matter what we have done.

Let’s Get Specific:

So this is Chapter three in the book I Really Want to Change… So, Help Me God. The title is let’s get Specific, and James MacDonald talks about how if you really want to change you cannot do it unless you get specific about what needs to change. Saying I would like to change a few things about me is not going to bring change. You need to name the things you need to change. He gives Five steps to help you get specific on what God wants to work on, they are:

1. Ask God for Wisdom so you know exactly what He wants to Change in you.

MacDonald brings how God tells us to ask for wisdom if you lack it, but he goes on to say that by doing that you’re not going to get the wisdom, he wants you to ask for wisdom and ask the question which everyone asks. Why? But just asking why God does not answer, he wants and Answers when you go deeper, because just asking why means nothing, but asking Why today, what do you want me to learn or to change he loves to answer. He also likes us to ask in faith with not doubt, MacDonald puts it this way, there is a beach ball in the waves and wind which you will never be able to get because you do not know where it might go. You are to be the beach ball; open to go wherever God wants. God works change when you give him a blank slate to work with. If you limit him to where he can Change he is not going to change you.

2. Review Biblical lists for Attitudes and Behaviors to Change.

There are a list of things that God wants us to put off and things to put on, by reviewing these lists we can constantly be seeing what we need to work on, such as if you are reading something in the Bible and said Ouch, it is mostly something God wants to change.

3. Isolate the your own Areas in need.

Looking and find the things you really struggle with, and MacDonald gives a list of all the things we should put off and gives a line next to each and says put a rating 0-10 next to it. 0 if you do not you at all and 10 if you constantly struggle with it. The high #’s are the things you should pray over to see which ones God wants to work on. He focuses on the take off, because no one would put on something new without first taking off the old.

4. Confess sins to a friend.

MacDonald talks about how we are to confess our sins to God for forgiveness, but we forget confess to brothers. This is to help us with these struggles so we can pray for each other. Not everyone, but to those who you know and close to, can be their to support you.

5. Express to the Lord your willingness to change.

Simple if you don’t want to change you won’t change and sometime God is force to get us to the point where we want to change. When we want to change make sure we express this to God, because we cannot change without him.

Questions:
Teacher Questions:

1. How do we know God Really wants us to change?

His word tells us he does, or he would not have all these verse talking about transforming us, making us more like Christ.

2. Why are we so reluctant to be specific about what needs to changing in us?

Because change is painful and hard work, and we do not like to hard work and want thing that are easy, if Change was easy everyone would change. It is easier to say others need to change then we do, not to say that others do not need to change, but we need to change first.

Prophet Questions:

1. In what ways have you rebelled in against Gods work of transformation in you?

Where do I begin… One I think other need to change not me; also think I am okay where I am. I lazy and do not want to put the work into change. Those are a few, also thinking I know better then God. Oh, one of my favorites, even though it is bad, God made me this way.

2. What areas of Sin have you rationalized and shut God out of?

Stubbornness is no major on, I like to use the last excuse to not let God change in, opinionated is another.

Shepherded Questions:

1. Why is it essential that we believe God’s love before we get specific?

If we believe God’s love we know the change is what is best, but with out love we think it is God just wants to make life hard for us and is not out for our best interest.

2. In what way does it help you to know God will work on you in 1 or 2 things at a time?

That he is trying to help us live the best life we can as well, his love does not end at just enough to get us to be with him for eternity, but for us to better ourselves now before we get to him, and that he wants us to better ourselves.

Sign Me Up:

It has been a while since I posted last, but like I said I am going through this book, I really want to Change… So, Help Me God. It has been a real challenge since I last posted the first chapter. I have struggled with a lot of things, but out of all I have struggled with since March 18th, that I need to change and I want to change. Satan has been hitting me with things to discourage me, which is why it took me so long to post this. I read the chapter about thee weeks ago maybe two but now just getting to answer the questions.

Before I do, I just want to ask those who read this, if a few days ago by without me posting another chapter please comment and encourage me to continue seeking change. I need that as well prayer as I seek to change some of the habits I have formed. Only God can help me do this and I need him.

With that said, the chapter was all about how only God can help me you change and you have to admit that you have a problem. I am not going into it, but the chapter is summed as I said, and only by turning to him can you change.

Questions:

Teacher Questions:
1. What does the word “Sanctification” mean? Is it a crisis or process? What is a Crisis?

This is tricky question, something I am still trying to figure out. Where I am now, I have to say Sanctification is the same as Justification; they are the same thing, which you see when they get into them. Sanctification is the process of making you holy. I am not about to get into this debate, but Justification is being made righteous before God from being a sinner. It is the same thing, but has two parts one instantly and one over time, but regardless if it is the same or separate Sanctification is a process.

Crisis is something personal that is hard to deal with.

2. What is the goal of Sanctification? Can you prove it with scripture?
The answer is to make one holy, and yes, it can be proven with scripture. (1 Corinthians 1:30, 1 Thessalonians 4:3,4, 2 Thessalonians 2:13, 1 Peter 1:2)

Prophet Questions:

1. Why is it that Christians are so often content to simply be forgiven but not actually transformed?

I think it is the reason why I have put change off in my life as well struggled with it the past few weeks. Being forgiven is easy, all you have to do is admit your sin, but being transformed that takes work and we don’t want to work at things. We want the quick fix in life.

2. If we’re not saved by being holy, how is holiness related to salvation?

We are not holy before God, we are sinners who rebel, and when we are saved, we are given some of God’s righteousness. However, that gets us in, we need to become holy as we continue you through life. James talks about how we are justified by our works. He is not talking about works salvation, but that doing relationship with God we are justified, which is why I say Justification and Sanctification are the same. We are justified at salvation, but works also justifies us, but without Accepting Christ, we can be justified by relationship with God because you need Christ to have that relationship.

Shepherd Questions:
1. Why is it so hard to accept the truth that God loves you?

Because we live in a world without love, and the meaning can change based on the person. So, when you say someone loves you enough to die for you we laugh because we don’t see it in the world.

2. How has your past been used by the enemy to stall God’s transformation in your life?

He has made me fear of going back to the ruthless and judgmental ways I was before as well the lust, and rebellion of my teen years to think that I know better as well my stubbornness.

Taking out the Garbage

So today I read through the first chapter of, I really want to change… So, Help Me God and the name of the chapter is: Taking out the garbage. The focus of the chapter is going through six different ways of people use to change that are faulty. Three are psychological and three spiritual. I would be throwing this book out if it were not for something MacDonald says during the first psychological faulty idea of change, Environmental Change, he says that psychology has its truth, but there is a lot of crap in it as well. To me that was important to say, because I am not a one book when it comes to counseling which the bible is all. It is my bases and there is a lot of truth in psychology, you just need to route out the crap, which I think he MacDonald does in the three views he brings up.

The three faulty psychological methods are: Environmental Change, Change by digging up my past, and Change through Self-Discovery. I would like to add I do disagree with some of MacDonald’s thoughts on this, but in the end, I agree since I am already thinking they are good with God attached to them, but usually not used this way. Again, you have to remove the crap to get to the truth.

The three spiritual faulty methods are: Legalistic Change, Monastic Change, and Intellectual Change. Legalistic is having rules, that do create change externally, but not internally, trying to change by ourselves, and knowing what needs to change. After covering these things MacDonald covers how do we being to change, that is admit we have problem and take responsibility for it not anyone else. Then turn to God, because only he can change the problem.

Before I move on to the questions, I just want to add something MacDonald said about forgiving and forgetting. I think it is a stupid concept of forgive and forget, because if you forget you are likely to make the same mistake. It’s like the old saying, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Forgive but don’t forget because you will fall or be hurt again. The difference is you have forgiven the person for what they did and no longer hold it against them, but you do know they did it and you need to see proof the person is not the same before you allow them to go there with you again.

Teacher Questions:

Why is it essential you eliminate the faulty change methods?

It is important, because if you keep doing the same thing you are going to get the same result. Continue to use a faulty method for change you will never fully change.

What change methods have you tried? What benefit, if any, did you experience?

I have looked into my past for answers, self discovery and all were good things because through it I have learned of hurts in my life from friends, parents and others as well found out who I am. This was good, because it got me to where I am now, but now I need to go where these methods cannot go and that is change my heart.

Prophet Questions:

What excuses have you used for not changing?

It is apart of me. Everyone struggles with this so it is natural. I will always struggle with this. Name it and I have most likely used it as an excuse.

What makes you think this time will be different?

Not sure, maybe because I am finally ready to acknowledge I cannot do it by myself and need God to help me.

Shepherd Questions:

What does your willingness to read this book say about the sincerity of your desire to change?

Well, one is that I am looking for something to help me change and God is the answer, but that has been an excuse in the past that I thought I was relying on, but was not. It says I don’t know how to change myself.

In what ways do you beginning to sense that God wants to help you change?

Well, I am admitting that I cannot do it on my own and that is something big since I like to do things on my own. Also, I am tired to keep falling on my ass, when trying to change.

I really want to change… So, Help Me God (Intro)

Well it has been a while since I posted and once again, I am changing what I will be posting about for sometime. This will be it I know mainly because it is a book I am going through for myself and will post about it as I go through it daily, but I do still plan on posting on the End times at some point and might do that this week to get it out there, but this will be pretty much daily posts or days I read a chapter, hopefully daily.

The book is called where the title of this blog. It is about helping those who are saved who want to change and I have something’s I want to change. I hope that maybe people who read this blog will read my thoughts as I go through this book and maybe decide to change as well. The book has questions I will post and if I feel it I will post a summary of the chapter.

I did read part of the book today it was the intro to the book focused mostly on how to get the most out of the book. It talked about the questions at the end of each chapter as well something to think about or do at the end to help you get your focus on change. We will see.

Over Committed

“Do not get me started on people these days being way over committed especially in the church.”

Well, I am getting started on it, that is my new rant today, because I feel like ranting still. At least I was able to put it off until today. I wanted to write it yesterday but did not, but today I do. I struggle with this, not because I have so, much to do and want to other stuff but just can’t. It is actually the opposite of this; I have too much free time and not enough things to do.

The reason why I struggle with this is because as a youth director I am trying to plan things for the youth while working around their already busy schedule of school, school activities as well church events not just youth group. Not all youth are, but some all, but then I look at the church and see how committed the adults and parents of the church are, and how much they have going on and understand where they get this idea.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not picking on my churches I work at I love it there and think it is a great place to be, but it just an example of churches around the country that are just like this. We have our important commitments we have like family, work, relationship with God, then we add on things on that, such as church events or councils or small groups, children’s ministry, and if we still have time we add things on outside of the church to do and before we know it we have very little free time and room to work in with things happen.

I am a very firm believer that this idea of being at church every time the doors are open is one of the most stupid ideas Christians can live by. I have always thought this mind frame is a way of escaping from the world. The command is to not be of this world not do not live in this world. We get an idea of if we are worldly then we are not right with God, and to be right with God we need to spend as much time away from sinners and be with Christians.

Wow what the exact opposite idea of what Jesus did; he spent more time with sinners then with believers. Not that he did not hang out with his followers and disciples, but Jesus told the Pharisees that the reason why he hung out with sinners was because it is not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick. This is why I try to stay outside the four walls of the church as much as I can, because the church is not the building as we have come to believe it is, it is everyone who believes in Christ, even when we disagree on the little things and on little things people think are big things.

Back on topic, we live in a society that lives by the nickname for New York City, the City that never sleeps. We are always on the go and doing something and if we sit down and breathe, we might actually have to deal with something that is on our minds instead of avoiding it. I am the king of avoiding things that are on my mind especially when they are things that are touchy to me. I just said at youth group lesson Sunday and last Thursday that when you are not listening to God and ignore him, He will make you deal with whatever you are trying to avoid, it is the easy way and the hard way. I usually choose the second one.

At some point today I am going to go talk to him about what I wrote yesterday, because God has a sense of humor to take something you rant on like I did and throwing it back in your face. I am choosing the easy way instead of the hard way, but sometimes I still end up doing things the hard way. Trying to avoid something is not the only reason why we are constantly having something to do. There are many reasons, some is because if we aren’t we will not pay the bills.

You can think of a hundred reasons why we need to be “over” committed, and I pretty sure, I could give you a hundred reasons why you don’t need to be. My question with all these commitments to the church and anything on top of it, how is your relationship going with God? Honestly, are you able to spend time in his word everyday? Do you spend time praying? Or are you like I would like to but I have all this other crap to do and end up not doing it?

Now, I am not going to say that if you don’t read your bible everyday you are off track with God. I don’t even read it everyday, but I wish I did but it is not because I am too busy, oh I wish for that excuse, usually it is because I want to work on something of mine or I am avoiding God for some reason. Past few weeks has been like that and I had to come before him Sunday on my way to church to ask him to help me back to what I should be doing.

Still asking him to do that, but I hate messing reading my bible, since 2005 when God forced me to deal with an issue I was avoiding and did not know it, I have had a hunger to read his word. Sure, it died down somewhat, but in that period, I got use to and a good habit of reading my bible. I am thankful for that and I know leaders who get sidetrack, but do the best they can. Things happen and we do not get to it at times, I believe God understands those times, but he also knows when we are just using it as an excuse.

Why don’t we turn to God and say: “Hey, Lord I am swamped with all this crap and do not know what to do. Show me what I don’t need to be doing so I can get rid of it. Show me what in my life I need to be taking by faith and let you do something amazing.”

That would take a total of ten seconds, maybe less. I also think those who have kids, especially teenagers need to look and ask themselves the question after how their relationship with God is, and ask how is their relationship with their kids and are they missing something there kids need?

I would love to be so busy I had little time, just because all the free time I have, but I am not and I am kind of glad that I don’t. I remember three years ago doing 3 ministries, school full time and trying to do something I wanted to do. I was so flipping stressed that I had no clue what to do. Thank God, I am not there now, but would like to be a little bit busier then I am.

Well I guess I am done with my rant, I think I am going to get a spoon eat my pudding cup, and then go spend sometime with God. I would love to hear thoughts about this, get feedback on my rant. Just don’t go off saying I am have no clue what I am talking about, because I do just in rant form I don’t back up what I am saying. Well I am off, the pudding cup is calling me.

Singleness

I am not sure why, but I have a sudden desire to write about singleness and dating. I will got back to End Times in my next post I promise, but I need to get my thoughts on dating out of my head. So yes this is a rant and I know many will disagree with me on it as well some might agree. Before I go off on my rant, let me take you down a journey of mine on the topic of dating.

For as long as I can remember I have always been interested in girls, in Kindergarten I got my first kiss on the cheek and in first grade I got my first kiss on the lips. Forth grade was my next kiss and then my next kiss would not be until the summer before my sophomore year of high school, when two girls were having a contest who could get the most kisses, a few weeks later I started dating a those two girls younger sister where I made out with several times. After that that would be my last kiss, and have not kissed another girl since I was sixteen.

I have always been to shy, worried if the girl I liked like me in return to ever go up, and asked her out. Even when I started to shed my shyness, I could never get to the point of asking a girl out. I was so much braver when I was in first grade, which is sad, but it is so true. High school I told a few girls I was interested in different ways one a poem with Tim G attached to it, but she did not know who I was so she never figured out who Tim G was. Another girl I had my friend Chris tell, only to get a letter in my locker from telling I didn’t like her because I did not know her, she seemed possibly willing to talk, but being an idiot said she could respond if she wanted and never did when I wrote back.

Senior year, I found a girl who liked me, not sure why and I thought I liked back and went to prom with, but something she said a week before about caring what other’s thought bugged me because I did not care. Get into college and let’s just say my focus from girlfriend went to wife. I was a jerk to a friend of mine, because I liked her twice and never could tell her the first time and second time did not go right, how we are still friends I have no clue.

I usually jumped from liking one girl to another and when I finally got to meet a girl who I did not like based on sight and got to know her, she leaves and sure I could have told her, but what’s the point she going away. From then on I adopted this not interested in dating and focus on what God wants, but that was not true, I always found someone who caught my eye. As I sit writing this I believe I can say I really not interested in any kind of relationship with the opposite sex beyond friends. Sure the thoughts are there and the wonder, but I can through it off and not worry.

Rant on Dating:
Now that we know my past on dating, what is my rant going to be about. I currently think the idea of dating we have is pretty much stupid. If you are not a Christian or a practicing religious person dating usually consists of partying, hooking up with random guys or girls, if you happen to find someone you like you end up moving in with them again with more sex, pregnancy usually occurs and now a family starts but not married and when something goes wrong the couple breaks up and the child is worst for the ware. For any skeptics out there yes divorce or separating of mommy & daddy does affect kids.

In Christian circles, which I have been in for the past six years is not much different all depends on if you are practicing or how serious you take the bible. Some Christians do leave together before getting married while others wait. What I see in teenagers is not much different from secular teens; just the sex thing is not going on, but possibly oral sex, because oral sex is not sex. Yes, it is, that is why it is call Oral sex. This idea of having to be in a relationship or dating is so ingrained in our culture if you even think about not doing it something has to be wrong with you.

My best friend Ryan, his younger sister picked up a copy of my book Boy Meets Girl, which is written as a sequel to I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Both books deal with the idea of waiting until you are ready to get married as well you should court then not date. She laughed when she got to a point in the book the author said you should not kiss until you are married. Now I am not in anyway in favor of courting, but hey it does work for some people but not for most. However, this idea of not kissing a guy or girl until you married is laughable based on the culture.

I personally think that would be a great thing to do is wait until my wedding day to kiss my wife. I really think that is very unrealistic because I know I would want to kiss her when I asked her to be my wife, I guessing she would too. Anyway, we all think if you are dating you must be holding hands, as well kissing. Now as far as I know kissing is still a big step for couples maybe not in secular dating or in college, but most couples usually wait a little while before they kiss.

There is this Law called Diminishing Returns:
“the Law of Diminishing Returns” It is an economics term used for the law that when more emphasis is added in one area the previous area no longer will respond with the same output. I use this term to explain how when we as humans pass through a stage of physical intimacy, the previous stage no longer will give us the satisfaction it once did. Therefore urging us to move to the next stage in order to get a certain level of satisfaction. For example when we have that “first kiss” the rush of satisfaction is unbelievable but after a while the return no longer is as satisfying so our bodies and mind desires to go to the next stage in order to get that same sense of satisfaction. It then makes it harder feel the same about the earlier stages because the satisfaction has “diminished”.

In other words, once you move on to another step it is hard to go back to a level before. So if you go from kissing to making out, but decide that is not something you should be doing going back to just kissing is not going to be easy or fill you the same as it once did before making out.

Now back to this idea of having to be with someone, now I know that we have this desire to be with someone, it is God given, but just think about the possibility of being single for the rest of your life. Say this to a guy and most will say no they do not have that gift as it is called and yes, Singleness is a gift. Guys think of this because as a Christian you don’t have sex unless you’re married. So the idea of not being able to have sex is not a gift but a curse, I know this because I was like this as well knows many who think the same way.

Girls are somewhat more open to this idea I think, but they fear of being a lone for the rest of their life and want someone to take care of them. However, unlike guys, sex is not on their mind 24/7. Oh yes girls, guys do think about sex a lot, one persons believe guys thought about sex once every minute as I have also heard once every 30 seconds. I know a few I would say Sex is on their mind 24/7 while others it is on their mind but not nearly as other.

Let’s look at why singleness is a gift. I dare anyone who is in a relationship to go a week and be single. I am not saying break up with the person you are dating, but agree for a week you will act like you are not dating just friends. Now do what you would do with friends. I bet you will find you have a lot more free time on your hands then you did when dating someone. That is because when you are single you do not have the responsibilities as someone married.

Your wife does not come first after your relationship with God. You can do so much more with your time and not have to put your family first; kids come along got to spend time with them. Now add a 40-hour a week job, any hobbies you like to do as well spend time with other couple friends and your own friends and you do not have much time left. I am not bashing the idea of dating; I am just showing that singleness is not all bad. However, you would never know this based on our culture. There is a reason why Paul said he wish that all would be like him and not marry, but he knew lust is powerful thing and it is a gift to be single.

Do not get me started on people these days being way over committed especially in the church. That is another post for another day, but is so awful to think of how much dating and being in that kind of relationship has been ingrained in our youth as well kids as well adults. I am just starting to open up to this idea of being single, I have a lot of goals I want to accomplish and they can be done if I am married and have a family, but at the same time it would be easier for me not to be married. At this time I am going to be selfish, I am do not want to be in a relationship because it takes time away from what I want to do. My goals in life are more important to me then having a family, which go back two years ago and I would say the other way around.

Maybe someday I will end up getting married, but until that day comes and God pulls out the old Lewisville slugger and belts me upside the head to make me realize he has the girl for me right in front of me I am looking forward to not worrying about if a girl likes me back. I have said before, if I have kids they will not date until they are 16 and if they give me grief I will put if off until their 18. I hope to teach them that their more to life then dating, and they will wait until they are ready to be married to start getting into all that junk.

Kids these days grow up way too fast, I wanted responsibility of an adult when I was a teen, but now as an adult I want to be a kid again, because it is more fun. I think all teens should take their time, because if they don’t they are going to wish for the next sixty years they had taken their time.

As I wrap this up I wonder how many of my youth groupers are going to read it and write a response to it. It will be interesting to see, and I am going to tag them in this on Facebook so they know it is posted. Well I guess I am done with my rant and I am ready for another on something else, but I can do that one tomorrow, but at some point I will get back to the end times.

Edited:

I thought about it for a little while and decided I needed to add something more. I don’t want anyone to think that I am one completely against dating, just how we think of it. Guys and girls cannot seem to be friends if seen alone. Second, with my thoughts and stance on not wanting a relationship that my desire, but anyone who knows me well enough knows that I would love to have a family. Just as of right now I think I would rather focus on my energy on my goals then trying and failing in relationship department.